1. Without trying, you will end up learning the words to “Shipping Up to Boston,” “Dirty Water,” and “Sweet Caroline.”
2. You will eat a lot of so-so Italian food in the North End until someone clues you in to the real gems.
3. Your landlord will ask you to renew your one-year lease…one month after you have moved in.
4. You will recoil when someone says the word “packie” before learning it’s slang for “package store.”
5. You will start following Only in Boston and BostonTweet on Twitter.
6. You will learn who to call when your windshield’s busted. (1-800-54-GIANT!)
7. You will try to go to the Legal rooftop in the Seaport District and spend half of your night waiting in line to get in.
8. You will be sad to realize that happy hour and “bottomless” drink specials are illegal here. (At least there are some sweet food happy hours and oyster happy hours.)
9. You will furnish your apartment during Allston Christmas, the period from late August to early September when everyone’s lease is up and people moving discard freebies on every street corner.
10. You will go to Market Basket to stock-up on cheap groceries and household goods.
11. You will drink your body weight in Dunkin’s and learn that “a regular” coffee means something entirely different here compared to the rest of the country.
12. You will walk a mile in sub-freezing temperatures when one of the T lines goes down.
13. You will go to Quincy Market once and then never again.
14. You will be sworn enemies with anyone who keeps their backpack on while riding the T during rush hour.
15. You will become fussy about your Guinness pours.
16. You will develop a healthy fear of the squirrels on the Boston Common.
17. You will buy a lawn chair in December just to use it as a space saver.
18. You will go to buy beer for the football game at 11:15am and then lolly-gag for 45 minutes while you wait for the liquor section to open.
19. You will post a negative review about the 66 bus, or another route that earns your scorn.
20. You will eat your first whole belly clam and then promptly call your parents to condemn the sad fried clam strips they fed you as a child.
21. You will spend your first weeks in town assuming a “triple decker” is some sort of sandwich.
22. You will get cut off by someone taking a right turn from the left lane who then will give you the finger as he (you know it’ll be a he) passes.
23. You will develop lobster roll loyalties.
24. You will have a love/hate relationship with St. Patrick’s Day.
25. You will begin scoffing at any snowfall totals less than six inches
26. …but you will still pray for a snow day the moment the first flake appears.
27. You will take a $40 Uber to get a $12 pizza at Santarpio’s or Regina’s.
28. You will learn to despise bike riders when you’re a driver and drivers when you’re a bike rider.
29. You will drink an iced coffee in February.
30. You will stop pronouncing it “Wor-sest-er.”
31. You will have a movie date at Jordan’s Furniture or lunch date at Ikea.
32. You will see a truck get stuck on Storrow Drive, despite the countless signs telling trucks not to take Storrow Drive.
33. You will avoid the Green Line at all costs whenever the Red Sox have a home game.
34. You will be forced to pledge allegiance to either Mike’s or Modern’s… but then only ever go to Bova’s because it’s open 24/7 and you need drunk snacks at 2am.
35. You will feel far too old at Southie spots like Lincoln, Capo and Playwright, if you’re over the age of 26.
36. You will realize that 90% of movies lied to you about what a Boston accent actually sounds like.
37. You will know not to go anywhere near Boylston Street in the days leading up to the Boston Marathon.
38. You will learn to walk with purpose and pass every sauntering tourist you come across.
39. You will have a friend suggest a night out at TITS and need them to explain that it’s not a strip club.
40. You will get stuck in Cape traffic starting at 1pm during the summer.
41. You will become invested in Boston sports out of necessity.
42. You will stumble across a movie or TV filming in the South End because Hollywood loves an adorable brownstone.
43. You will regularly scan condo listings on Zillow and eventually accept that you’ll be renting for the rest of your life.
44. You will learn that strangers on the street don’t want to be greeted and that making eye contact is a rarity.
45. You will never understand why the T stops running around 1am when the bars all close at 2am.
Once you’ve had the chance to digest all of this knowledge, check out our lists of the 21 things Bostonians do better than anyone else and 20 things that make you a true Bostonian.
